This entry is part 3 of 3 in the series The Dark Side of Sex
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Last Updated on July 11, 2022

This is Part III in the Dark Side of Sex series. If you haven’t already read Part I and Part II, I encourage you to do so. Obviously, if you want to dive in here at Part III, please do. Here I will address the solution or antidote to what’s been covered in those first two articles.

It’s all about Love baby

Numerous people have asked me, ‘What can I do to avoid spiritual sexual predation?’ and, ‘What can I do to not be impacted by negative spiritual forces through my sexuality?’ … and that sort of thing.

From my perspective, the solution is simple. Approach all acts involving your sexual energy from an inner space of Love.

Love implies acceptance. In order to love someone or something, including yourself, presupposes you also accept them. That doesn’t necessarily mean your agree with with, or with everything about them. Just that you accept them.

Love implies reciprocity … a life-affirming dynamic of giving and receiving.

Love implies intelligence … namely, an orientation and movement towards that which is life-affirming, that which uplifts life into creativity and holism.

Love implies deep respect. If I don’t deeply respect and honour the person I am engaging with sexually, it’s highly unlikely I can truly “make love” with them.

To truly love someone, I must first be in love with myself. To love myself means I wholeheartedly accept myself, as I Am, right now.

Are you seeking love through sexual intimacy?

Are you seeking approval and validation through sexual intimacy?

To seek love, implies I am not in a state of love, which implies I don’t love That which I Am. To seek approval and validation also implies I don’t accept myself as I am, here and now. I will not seek from outside myself that which I already contain and embody.

Every human act—even the most fleeting thought—involves sexual energy (aka. life-force energy) to varying degrees. Obviously the act of sexual intercourse does too, and to an exceptional degree. All acts of creativity, acts of engaging with nature, of engaging with other human beings, and even working at a job or on a career involve sexual energy, to varying degrees. Ultimately an integrated human being will approach all these acts and endeavours from a space of love, but for the purposes of this article I will simply say that because the act of sexual intercourse most directly and potently engages our own sexual energy, and that of someone else, this is the activity in which love is most important.

Defining Love

Love is a tricky topic, and something philosophers, mystics, psychologists, and people in general have been attempting to define for a long time. Therefore, what I’ve shared above needs some clarification. How do we know we’re approaching our sexuality in a space of love?

From my perspective, love is synonymous with “God”. Which means it is also synonymous with “Life”. Not “life” as in “my life”, or “I am alive”, but Life as the living, organising, creative intelligence of the Divine Mother aspect of Creation. Classifying love in this way has a number of implications which I’d like to touch on.

  1. Love, at the most practical (grounded) level manifests as intelligent cooperation. Intelligence expresses into the form-side of Life as the orientation toward Life—toward a great and more complex expression of Life, and toward that which is Life-affirming, Life-honouring, Life-giving. Therefore, to co-operate with another human being in a way that is intelligent—in a way that is informed by the greater field of intelligence—is to function together in a way that is life-affirming and wholesome (i.e. taking into account the whole-sum). Passionately having sex with someone I feel attracted to might feel great in the moment; it might even activate my heart into an emotional (astral) experience that feels “loving”, yet the question to be asked is, “How, if at all, is my sexual interaction with this person an act of intelligent cooperation?”. Taking the time to ask and inwardly explore this question takes discipline, and it takes a level of self-restraint … arising from a degree of emotional- and self-mastery. The mastery I am referring to here is the mastery of knowing thyself … of having brought to a space of conscious awareness the sub-conscious drivers that are motivating my actions. A classic example is the act of seeking out sexual interactions to gain a sense of self-validation and self-approval, and to feel accepted and wanted by the opposite gender (or same gender, if that’s your sexual orientation).Beyond exploring this question within myself, I can also explore it with the person I am feeling attracted to, and with whom I am considering engaging with sexually. If the idea of having a conversation around that seems awkward and seems like it’d be like throwing a wet blanket on the relationship, or taking away from “the passionate moment”, then chances are it’s very much a conversation that needs to be had; and, there’s a high chance my desire (and passion) to have sex with this person is being driven or empowered by something other than a conscious embodiment of Love.
  2. Devotion to Life … to the Divine Mother … to Shakti. Is my desire to have sex with someone arising from anything other than a deep seated sense of devotion toward Life … devotion toward Great Mother, and the emergence of her creativity (e.g., what we call “Creation”)? Or, is it instead arising from the aforementioned unconscious seeking out of love, validation, approval, or even life-force and power?I suspect this proposition may seem like quite a stretch for the majority of people reading this. Promiscuous, indiscriminate, and desire / shadow driven sexuality has been highly normalised in modern Westernised society. A lot of people have sex, and seek out new sexual partners, as a means to deal with their hidden feelings of inadequacy, of low self-esteem, as a means to feel validated, as a means to release pent up energy, and (at an unconscious and astral level) as a means to take and feed off the sexual (life-force) energy of another human being.

    I am well aware that in my teens and twenties, my attraction to pretty much any woman overtly wanting to engage with me sexually was, to a significant degree, driven by a child aspect of my psyche wanting to feel approved of and validated by my mother. This means that important aspects of my sexual relations with women were unconscious, and were driven and informed by unresolved emotions I felt as a child. The degree to which this was happening is the degree to which I was not a mature, conscious man intelligently co-operating with a mature conscious woman. I was instead a child (at an astral / emotional level) using the sexuality of a mature male body to compensate for wounds related to feeling unaccepted by the feminine, by my mother, and ultimately by the Divine Mother aspect of Mother/Father God.

    There is nothing inherently “wrong” or “bad” about these kinds of dynamics. Rather, these dynamics are indicators of that which is calling for great self-awareness, emotional integration, healing, and consciousness.

Time

Take your time. It’s common in modern Westernised society for people to dive into sexual relationships with very little time to really get to know each other, and to get to know oneself in relation to another (the specific “other” we may be moving toward engaging with sexually). Mother Nature takes her time. For example, it took billions of years of time for her creativity to bring forth her potentiality of “a human being”. It takes time for seasons to arise and pass away. It takes time for the body to inhale and exhale in a healthy way. It takes time for night and day to pass. It’s only natural that it takes time for the true nature of an attraction between two people to emerge and reveal itself in consciousness. It’s easy to prematurely jump to the conclusion—or even see it as a foregone conclusion—that the purpose of my every attraction to a man or women is to leap into being sexually intimate.

Take your time. Enjoy and be curious toward the emergence of what arises into the space created by allowing for more time between you and the person you feel attracted and connected to. It takes time for “attraction” and “connection” to develop into true and meaningful relationship. Meaningful relationship is a prerequisite to Love … to intelligent cooperation. It’s exceptionally easy for two people to fuck without any meaningful relationship being involved. What people are deeply seeking and looking for is relationship … a state of relatedness with Self, and as an extension of that, a state of relatedness with an-other. Yet in modern society, where promiscuity has been normalised, we all too readily confuse sexual intercourse with relationship.

It may feel exciting to meet a potential sexual partner and dive almost immediately into having sex with them. Yet I am quite certain anyone who has taken the time to honestly feel into themselves after such as experience will have come away with a sense of disappointment or an absence of fulfillment, even a feeling of emptiness and ultimately of suffering. In my experience, there’s very little difference between this kind of experience and that of recreational drug use. It might feel like an exciting blast in the moment, but it ultimately amplifies the discontented emptiness that (in part) motivated the drug use in the first place, which creates nothing but an even stronger desire for more of the same—which is essentially the mechanisms of addiction at work.

Take your time. If the dark side of sex is something you struggle with, and actively working to be more consciousness around, make a commitment to yourself and to God to not engage sexually with anyone until you’ve known (and developed into relationship with) them for a certain amount of time. I’d suggest at least nine weeks, through to even as long as 9 months.

Step out of all guilt and shame

There is no love to be found in guilt and shame. Simply put, these states are an attempt by the ego-mask to prove or validate its belief that there is something wrong with me, something not good enough about me. They are unhelpful, except perhaps as indicators that love is being called for here.

It is hard to truly love myself if I have guilt and shame regarding my body, my being, my sexuality, my feelings, my emotions, and so on. Guilt is an emotion and mental state arising from my not accepting myself. Shame is that same state projected out on the world, and the imaginal act of seeing myself through the eyes of others (with the presumption being that this other doesn’t accept me or my actions, etc.). Love accepts. Acceptance does not imply nor require agreement. I can disagree with something or someone, and still be in a space of acceptance.

The feelings of guilt and shame may arise in order to draw my attention to something that requires my attention. For example, if I have engaged in actions and activities that are degrading to my spirit, or degrading to my humanity, it is natural and healthy for a sense of remorse to arise the moment I become conscious that my actions were degrading, etc. That feeling of remorse may bring with it a sense of guilt, and if I have a tendency to self-reflect through the eyes of others, I may also experience a sense of shame. The thing is, these are like traffic lights. Red means stop, greens means go. Don’t get mesmerised by the lights, and addicted to whatever psycho-emotional state staring at them induces in you. See the signal, and act on it. The signal you’re seeing is a reflection from your spirit, informing your psyche  / soul that it was functioning in a way that was life-degrading, and it needs to evolve beyond that.

A lot of people carry sexual guilt and shame. There are a great many reasons for this. One of those reasons is what we’ve touched on in the Dark Side of Sex Parts I and II. Namely, when we engage in sexual experiences that are degrading to our soul, this is not something to which we are oblivious. As much we might try to blank out around such self-awareness, on some level we know. If I am alive, this means the spirit that I Am is to some degree or another interacting with the soul / psyche. My soul might be blindsided, or simply doing its best to remain oblivious to the degrading consequences of my actions, but the spirit that I Am knows exactly what’s going on. And, so long as it’s connected to the soul, that I am here and alive as a human being, that knowing will be letting me (my human sense of self) know when I am degrading myself. If I don’t pay attention to that, deep seated guilt and possibly shame are bound to arise.

Other reasons for sexual guilt and shame may include trauma from sexual abuse and violation, and distorted condition related to sexuality. It’s also likely to arise from being a sexual “outsider” due to having a sexual orientation that differs from the norm (such as being homosexual, in a society or family that is prejudice against that, etc.). All of these causes are a big topic, and not one I’ll get into now.

The main point here, is that it’s important to recover your innate sense of love for myself, your body, your sexuality, and your life-force. This will require stepping out of guilt and shame, and moving into a space of acceptance and greater awareness.

Get out of your head

The thinking, mentalising, fantasising, and neurosis of the mind is very degrading to the high vibration of our natural, pure sexual energy. When it comes to love making, and to the use of our sexual energy, I suggest not bring your head (excessive mentalising) into it. This includes all forms of fantasising, eroticising, moralising, and idealising when it comes to sexuality and sexual energy. Be natural. Be present. Be with your body and the authentic experience of what it is expressing and feeling. Avoid imposing an artificial mental concoction upon your natural and authentic state of being and your natural sexual beauty.

Masturbating or having sex whilst entertaining yourself with a mental fantasy in your mind degrades your sexual energy. It lowers its vibration or frequency. It’s also a violation of whoever you have pulled into your fantasy, unless you happen to have asked for and received their permission. But even then, it still degrades your energy—perhaps even more so, as you run the risk of opening yourself up to whatever entities and negative energies they are dealing with.

Dark forces and negative entities are not able to do anything with pure human sexual energy. Its frequency and vibration is totally outside their level of functioning and activity. But if you engage in activities that degrade (lower the frequency of) your sexual energy, you can unwittingly turn it into perfect and much sought-after fodder for negative entities. In my experience, it’s typically dark forces / entities / etc., that prompt people to engage in activities that degrade their life-force, for the very reason that this is how those entities can then gain access to it and sustain themselves. The moral of this story? When it comes to sexuality, keep out of your head, and remain in your heart.

The same goes for not obsessing over the genitals and genital sexual pleasure. Obviously, I’m not suggesting you ignore the genitals. They are beautiful, sacred, and obviously fundamental to our sexuality. But don’t fixate your attention on them, and become obsessed with them. This includes things like pornography, which totally fixates on genitals and the “fucking” that goes on between them. Use your genitals to physically enter into a state of union, pleasure, and enjoyment … and then raise (it will actually rise on its own, when not imposed on or blocked) that energy to your heart.

Again, big topic, and enough said.

Sacred Reciprocity

The life-force we receive as human beings has a purpose, and that includes what we think of as sexual energy. First and foremost it’s for maintaining balance, harmony, vitality, and creativity within the soul (within the human being). Second it’s for developing and maintaining those qualities with another human being—with a partner. This is where “making love” comes into the picture. When the love that I Am, and the love of the I Am in my partner, comes together in a space of love, our combined loving energy and life-force literally creates and gives rise to more love in the world. “We made love” is not just a cliché figure of speech. Two people can truly make or bring forth more love in the world. The purpose of that love is to create a profound bond between two souls, and those two souls with God (with the creative source). That’s the second purpose of sexual energy.

This bond or co-created space of love is the field of loving consciousness into which child are to be conceived, created, and birthed. It is the field in which human souls can most readily enter the human plane of existence in tact, health, and whole. This space of life is the field in which a healthy, integrated and spiritually conscious human child can develop and grow. This is the psychic space in which loving, conscious, spiritually integrated human beings arise. This is the third purpose for sexual energy.

The forth purpose for our sexual life-force is to create, feed, and nourish community among human beings, and between human beings and nature (which includes the benevolent spiritual beings that are a part of nature).

The firth purpose is that it be used for acts of sacred reciprocity with the living earth.

Traditionally our use of sexual energy would most likely evolve through those stages more or less in that order. However, in modern society it’s not uncommon for people to remain single or uncommitted to being in love with a partner until well into adulthood. With that in mind, your situation may call for utilising your life-force in acts of sacred reciprocity with nature, with Mother Earth, whilst you’re still a single man or woman.

This is a deep and vast topic, and I am not going to attempt getting into it any more than that, for now.

Conclusion

If you are using, applying, and engaging your sexual energy, your precious life-force, as a profound and sacred gift from the Divine Mother, for the benefit of Her creation / creativity (i.e., the wellbeing of your body, the wellbeing of your partner, the wellbeing of your family, and the wellbeing of the Earth, etc.) it’s very unlikely you’ll be affected my negative sexual entities, demons, and dark energetic forces.

Love yourself. Love your body (which is the Earth). Love the Earth (which is your body). Love your partner. Love life. It’s as simple, and as challenging as that.

If you have any questions, let me know.


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