Last Updated on August 5, 2015
Here is an article I submitted to Helium.com
I have a number of top rated articles on Helium.com and I am a Premier Writer there. This is my latest edition writing in response to the question “Is it possible to life without regrets?”
What does it mean to regret something?
A typical dictionary definition of the word regret is “to remember with distress or longing”. The word “regret” finds its roots in words from old English, and old Germanic languages which mean “to weep”. So what we essentially have is the act of looking back on the past with a sense of remorse or weeping. In my experience I can only harbour regrets when I am in judgement of my experience of life, and therefore not accepting how things were-and in the Now not exception them as they are. This implies I did not accept those events and experiences in the moment I was actually engage with them… when they were a part of my here and now. Regret and judgement are so closely interwoven it may be accurate to say they are mutually inclusive of each other. If I regret I judge, if I judge I will experience regrets. So would it be just as relevant to ask yourself now, “is it possible for me to live without judgement of my past and present experiences?”
When one talks about living without regrets I see a few potential scenarios which might bring this about, or at least appear to. We’ll explore this later situation first:
Perhaps I simply refuse to consciously reflect on my past actions and experiences, or when I do I shut off from experiencing my true feelings pertaining to this things. It could be said then that I experience no regrets. It’s highly possible, however, that I am sitting on a whole host of judgements and regrets about the past yet simply refusing to feel the pain I associate with these experiences. Subconsciously I am harbouring regrets and yet I perceive the pain of facing those experiences to be so great that I simply refuse to consciously acknowledge them. So whilst someone in this state of denial may like to believe they have no regrets, I think we will both agree this is far from the truth of what it means to “live without regrets”.
An alternative situation is where you truly do live without regrets. Both consciously and subconsciously I am free of harbouring remorse about my past experience. I am able to reflect on my past memories without a feeling of sadness and weeping (regret). I can even fully recapitulate my memory of my entire life so far and experience no remorse or regret whilst doing so. For this possibility to arise it must be so that I hold no judgement about my past experience. I am accepting and even loving what is and what was. In my experience this is not only possible, it is profoundly necessary for any human being who wishes to experience inner peace and a state of integral well-being.
If I were to accept the above proposition as true, does this now mean I must try to actively eliminate my regrets? I don’t think so.
In my experience, attempting to eliminate regrets about the past is simply adding further fuel to the fire without discovering how to simply step into the fire and embrace it as a force of purification and transformation. What might I mean by this metaphor? Well, I would like suggest that the pain inherent in our regrets is there for a reason. Pain, when faced and approached appropriately, allows a human being to get in touch with the ways in which he or she loses power. By my use of the word “power” I am not referring to the commonly sought-after power we see people pursuing so ardently in the world-namely power over things, people, and events-but rather a form of power that originates and resides within. This inner form of power is closely connected to ones life-force, vitality, health, and ones basic sense of being at ease as opposed to being in a state of dis-ease.
So if living without regrets does not mean trying to eliminate or suppress my remorseful feelings about my memory of the past, what does it mean? What can you and I do at a practical level that will result in a life of no regrets?
I have found that forgiveness is a key component. Many people I spoken to about forgiveness have a rather limited appreciation of what it means to forgive. Commonly there is the notion that forgiveness means I see and experience something I judge as wrong, and then I decide not to harbour negative feelings about it (such as anger, vindictiveness, or a desire for revenge). This, however, still means I am judging my experience of Life and it is likely this will ultimately lead to regrets. What I would like to share with you now, albeit just briefly, is another perspective on forgiveness.
To forgive is to realise and know, deep within the self, that what occurs in my life is neither good or bad, right or wrong, negative or positive; it simply is at it is. Life Is. There is immeasurable depth and intelligence to Life and yet the bulk of it is unseen. Most of Life is unseen and unknown to ordinary man. Mystics have said this for thousands of years, and today scientists are saying the same thing. That scientists suggest at least 96% of the Universe is not physically manifest is tribute to this point. The idea that something like 74% of the energy in the universe is manifest as “dark matter” (unseen and no subject to the normal laws of physics) is also tribute to this point. Have you considered how these cosmic observations relate to you as a human being?
If, let’s say, 96% of the Universe-and therefore Life itself-is unseen and therefore unknown does this not imply that roughly 96% of the what makes up the events, people, and experiences in your life are also unseen and unknown? Let’s say there is something I did when I was 11, something which at that time I judged as wrong, and therefore have since regretted doing. In light of the above-mentioned scientific observations, can my judgement of this event be based on anything more than perhaps 4% of what was actually taking place through and within that event? Probably not. Right?
So when I form judgements I am doing so from a place of almost total ignorance of the true nature and significance of the thing / event / person / experience I am judging. I’ve heard it said that all judgement is born of ignorance, which implies that if I was not ignorant of the other 96% of Life (within each event / action / experience, etc.) I would not judge it at all. Faced with the immense intelligence of Life, I would also harbour no regrets. Let’s take a quick look at why this might be so.
What if all the many things (objects, events, situations, people, experiences, etc.) we perceive in the world and within ourselves are all interconnected? What if there are no separate “things” at all; that there is simply oneness? Again both mystics and scientists have been saying exactly this. At the subatomic level there is simply pure energy and there is no separation within this energy. The Nobel Prize-winning father of Quantum Theory, Max Planck, went so far as to say “All matter originates and exists by virtue of a force… We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent Mind. This Mind is the matrix of all matter.” What Planck is referring to what another highly accomplished scientists, David Bohm, called the Implicate Order. In simple terms the essence of Bohm’s view is “that nothing is entirely separate or autonomous” and therefore the totality of Life is an “undivided wholeness“. What this implies with regards to you and me and our lives is that everything we have experienced came about intelligently and in accordance with the overall order and intention of all Life. For me to judge any one so-called thing in my life is to hold it out as separate and apart from this all pervading intelligence. To harbour regrets is to harbour a false perception of reality.
So in day-to-day life, how can you and I apply these fascinating understandings? Simply put, we forgive. We do this by opening to the idea and the feeling that all Life has purpose and meaning which is inherently in the best interests of all Life (ourselves included). Therefore there is no-thing to judge, and no-thing to regret. In my own life I have been able to dissolve pain and regret by approaching them with this understanding. Of course, it’s typically not enough to simply have this understanding intellectually; rather it is necessary to cultivate a felt-sense or inner knowing of what we’ve explored in this article. The details of how to go about this are the beyond the scope of what you’re reading here, although I am confident you already have a feeling for what we’ve just explored and you will therefore know what is the next natural step for you in this regard.
Erwin Schrödinger, also awarded a Nobel Prize (in 1933), had said, “Every man’s world picture is and always remains a construct of this mind, and cannot be proved to have any other existence.” To live without regrets is about you and I utilising our minds in such a way that we no longer perceive and remember our life experiences through the false notion of separation. Life truly is happening for you and is not some-thing happening to you, so there is no-thing to look upon with regret. If I was to weep whilst reflecting on my life today it would not be the sour weeping of regret but rather the sweet weeping that comes from a deep love in recognising the immense beauty, order, intelligence, and perfection in all that I experience and in all that I am.
May you and I meet in that place of no regret.
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