Last Updated on August 5, 2015
I have stated previously that our only “need” as a Divine Being is a mirror. The reason being that we are unconscious of what we are unconscious of. Pretty straight forward.
At times that mirror comes in the form of feedback, projection, and remarks from the people I am in relationship with–the people in the world around me with whom I have contact and interaction. For the purpose of this article I will put all of these under the umbrella of “feedback”.
I have no doubt you also get “feedback” from the world and people around you. That being the case, this article may be of interest to you.
Feedback may come from someone without being asked for; it might also be given to me upon my request, or after I agree to someone’s offer of feedback. It may also come passively through my observation of the stories the people in my world tell about me. When I have actively sort out feedback or agreed to someone else’s offer of feedback then I refer to this as proactive feedback or proactive mirroring. When it comes more passively simply through people stating/projecting what they think of me, or my being aware of the stories people maintain about me, then I would refer to this as passive feedback.
What I have found is that it is vital I know how to discern what feedback is of value and which is not. Put another way, what feedback is actually mirroring to me something I need to see about myself and what feedback is not. In my experience most of it is of some value and should not be too readily discounted. Yet, contrary to this, I have also found that the value can be missed or distorted if I don’t discern the appropriate way to receive and relate to each piece of feedback.
Feedback is essentially just information (in-form-ation). Most of the time there will be an element of projection taking place when a person gives feedback—in that the person giving feedback is actually projecting toward me the story their ego-mind comes up with in reaction to my presence. One of the Seven Empowerments I write and teach about points out that it is none of my business what other people think of me, and therefore it is a waste of energy to take personally the perceptions other people have of me. What I have also found is that when I do take certain feedback personally then at some level this feedback represents an externalisation of something I already hold on to internally as part of my persona or sense of identity (id-entity).
Another way of putting this—and this is a way to spot feedback that has immediate relevance to my ego-perception of myself—is to take note of when the data I am hearing arouses energy within me. As mentioned, it is just data… just words that symbolise a perception someone has of their experience of me. They are in essence dreaming their own dream, but I to have dreamed them into my world. So if hearing that external data brings about a movement of internal energy (e-motion) then there has to be an element of what I have just heard that I am already carrying within me as part of my personal story. This energy in motion might be felt as emotions. It might also be experienced as mental activity that was not there previously. The essentially point is that a change of state has resulted from my hearing that feedback.
This change of state—however that is experienced—is the red flag to be aware of. So, let’s say this red flag goes up, what is the most life-giving way to relate to this feedback? In my experience it is still vital not to take it personally. It is my taking it personally—i-dentifying with it—up until now that has prevented me from clearly seeing this perception in the past, and why it is now being presented to me for evaluation (determining its value). I am first and foremost a Divine Being—perfect, whole, and loving in every way. As a Divine Being I am choosing to experience and express through an ego-mind that interprets/creates reality through beliefs, thought-forms, and perceptions. Someone has shared with me their perception of who or how I am to them. This has triggered a change of state within me. That change of state comes about because the perception they have shared has just mirrored to me a perception I also carry—a perception my ego-mind holds about who and what I am, which is then projected out into my world through my actions.
It is these actions that this other person has experienced and then felt to give me feedback on. I can in this moment make the choice to determine:
- how this self-perception plays out in my life
- the choices I make under the influence of this self-perception
- the ways in which I have denied or ignore this self-perception
- the actions I do or don’t take under the influence of this self-perception
- whether these choices and actions are life-giving or life-taking to me and the people/world around me
If I determine that the consequence of this perception is life-taking I am then faced with the choice of whether or not to maintain this perception or to let it go. Letting it go may involve a process that includes any of the following:
- Forgiveness—what is it I need to forgive (release my story around)?
- Looking at what role this perception has played for me—what purpose was it serving in my life?
- Looking at why I took on such a belief or perception about myself—was there a root experience that anchored that perception into my self-image?
- Exploring whatever else comes up when I ask Spirit to show me the gift this perception (and its release) holds for me
Another situation I might face is one where the feedback I receive (passively or pro-actively) does not arouse any energy in me at all—so my state does not change. In my observation this may mean that what this person is expressing is purely their own unresolved stuff and I am simply here to be witness to it through an act or state of love and forgiveness. It might also be showing me a way in which my actions give an impression of who and what I am to the world that is not accurate. Put another way, it might be showing me how I am not being authentic in my relationship with this person (or people in general).
For example, let’s say I am truly a very caring and deeply feeling person, yet people consistently mirror to me that they believe I am unfeeling or cut off from my feelings. In receiving that feedback it is unlikely it will arouse a much energetic reaction in me, because I am deeply aware that it is not true and I don’t hold that perception of myself. I should not, however, be too hasty in completely disregarding this piece of information that has come to me. What it might be showing me is that although I am a deeply feeling person I choose to act in such a way that my true feelings remain hidden from the world. Hence my actions and way of being is the world (perhaps all the time or just under certain circumstances) is not congruent with my character. I am not being authentic with my feelings in my relationships with the people that give me this sort of feedback that I am “unfeeling”. So, even though this feedback didn’t result in a change of state, it is still telling me something important and valuable. It is showing me where I can reclaim as aspect of my Power. Through receiving this form of feedback I am now able to become aware of how the self-image I project into the world is not congruent with my true nature or my character. I can then ask myself why that is so and process it accordingly.
The other situation that may arise, which I have just touched on above, is the one where this feedback really has nothing to do with me. It is purely another person’s story which they are not owning and are projecting to me. Actually nearly all feedback people have is in some way a projection of something they hold within themselves, yet in this last situation it goes no further than that. What I wish to say to this is that this is when I am being gifted with an oppertunity to help heal the world—through holding this person in a place of love and forgiveness within my heart and my perception.
In the abovementioned situation, their projection toward me is a call for love, and I can therefore choose to respond with love. The beauty of this is that even if this issue they have brought to me is in fact something I contain yet I am deeply in denile of it and hence had no reaction to it (no change of state) then by responding with love to this other person I will also be loving that part of myself. Eventually it will feel safe enough for that part of my ego-mind to come to the surface and dissolve so that the power contained within it can be integrated and embodied more fully. To be accurate I must add that all of these situations are a call for love. Love of of self and love of another. Whatever the case may be I am being presented with a call for love and forgiveness. In summary we have looked at three scenarios:
- Feedback that is mirroring something I hold within my own self-image
- Feedback that is showing me how my external image is not congruent with my internal state of being (namely, I am not being authentic)
- Feedback that is actually not feedback but is rather just a call for love which I am being asked to silently assist a person to heal
In conclusion I will say that in my experience I am able to make a choice which is life-giving in response to all forms of feedback, projection, and mirroring from the people and world around me.
With heart,
Jonathan Evatt
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