[Originally published Sept 2004]
A friend mentioned that she didn’t really understand what I meant when I’ve referred to the impersonal nature of life / creation etc. It’s not something I am presently in the space to really go into well and clearly, but I attempted some sort of response. I post this response here for it might be of some value to you.
NOTHING IS PERSONAL.
Yes… That one [the it's all impersonal] can take a while to get a feeling of. The paradox is this: I have found that discovering / dissolving into the complete impersonal nature of self, life, creation, experience etc actually resulted in a very detached yet incredibly loving, immensely close, and deeply intimate relationship to All-That-Is… In other words, as far as our normal sense of “personal” goes, it all got intensely personal. Yet “personal” with a big difference: There was no longer a “person” there. Meaning there was no longer a “person” separate from all other person’s. There was just one “person” which of course is not a “person” at all. The person(a) is just a story. What rests quietly behind that story is something immensely sweet and personal yet it has nothing to do with any one person; it has nothing to do with Jonathan, David, Sue, Michael, or anyone else. I realise this may not make much sense because from the ego-minds perspective there is a “person” called Jonathan writing these words to you. And there is a person called [YOUR NAME] reading them.
Such is the illusion of life.
We are but dreamers of a dream.
Our task is to wake up to the Dreamer, and cease to be identified (Id-entified) the characters in the dream the Dreamer dreams.
In the sweet perfection of my own non-existence
An intimate relationship with life was born.
From out of now-here it emerged.
Into now-here “I” vanished.
Yet here I Am.
Just God experiencing God.
As far as I can tell, it is an intense attachment to the “personal” sense of self that strongly maintains the illusion or Maya. It’s rather funny actually. People start to stir in their sleep and get this urge to “find themselves” and get into “self growth” and “self actualisation”. They do this (I include myself in this “They”) from the ego-mind’s perspective which pivots it all very much around the person sense of ego-self. “Ego-self growth”, “ego-self actualisation”, “finding my ego-self” etc.
The paradox (and life is one big paradox) is that the journey to SELF awakening is ultimately—as far as I have experienced it—about dropping all sense of self. So we have a bit of a dichotomy. In order to “Actualise the SELF” (The True ONE SELF… as an extension of God… The “Son of God” so to speak) we have to destroy the self, or at least let it energetically starve and slowly die (fast death or slow death,,, depending on how much courage/trust/grace we have). It’s rather hard putting this into words so I shall leave it at that. If you struggle to get your head around what I’ve just written then I invite you to print it out, and sit down and read it over and over, but from a place of FEELING the words rather than thinking about them. Then, I am sure, something will arise within. Life’s a funny thing. We are but dreamers of a dream. Dreamers.
Who is the Dreamer?
Ah… THAT I AM.